Red Alert

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."
Matthew 5:23-24

Last Friday was Dad's birthday. I planned to surprise him by turning up at his office with a cake and candles and make all the other colleagues jealous of him. Upon reaching his office, I knew my plan had to be terminated as Dad's day was spoilt by the inconsiderate actions of one person and I knew it was not a time for any celebration of any sort, as it would not make up his day. So I just gave him the cake and left. I was very upset and angry, and I kept asking asking why must I bear the consequences of someone else's mistake. Above all, I was mad at the person for spoiling my day and my plans and I vow to never forgive him. I kinda succeeded in doing so at first by starting a cold war. But as all wars do nothing but damages, it didn't make me feel any better. Instead, I realised that it was actually very hard to be mad at someone for a long time, especially someone who is close.

Yesterday was youth Sunday and I co-led worship with Jonathan. I didn't feel peace and pleasure in my heart and this bothered me a lot. This should not be the heart of worship. In fact, the unrest in my heart had prevented me from truly worshipping in spirit and in truth. I sang off key, missed the cue during intro and missed some hand signals; I was just absent-minded and troubled. Worst of all, deep within me, I knew the reason why, but pride prevented from doing anything about it.

Praise and worship came and went. I tried to hide my feelings by keeping myself occupied. Then, it was sermon time. My mind was still somewhere else when I heard it: "Matthew 5:23-24"! It was as though the verses were read out to me alone. I knew God was trying to tell me something. That was a red alert!

I was worshipping physically, or at least I was trying very hard to, or I was pretending to. I can fool the whole world, but I can't fool God even with the best disguise. He sees more than the physical worship-- He looks into my heart (is that scary or what?). When I come before Him in worship, He expects me to settle all my disputes, so that I can worship in spirit and in truth and focus on Him and Him alone. He doesn't want some bogus worship, as though I was in the theater, playing the part I'm supposed to play.

I knew that all along. Matthew 5:23-24 is nothing new to me. The red alert was there all along, but being submerged in my own anger, it was camouflaged. I couldn't see it then. As my conscience stirred me up and dissolved some of the anger, the "red alert" became apparent. God was trying to get my attention and get me to listen to His voice, for I had indeed been deafened by my own voice of anger.

Looking back at things, I realised that it had been out of self-pleasure and selfishness that I had reacted as I did. It did not glorify my character, it did not make anyone any happier, and of course, it did not glorify God. It is good that the alert came early before anything gets any worse. But I have learned my lesson: Settle any unresolved business and come before God with a peaceful heart, for He looks deep into it and I certainly do not want Him to see anything that is unworthy for a Holy God.