Storm in the Silence

There was silence. That awkward silence that I had dreaded. It somehow seemed like the silence had stripped me naked and exposed all that I had been trying so hard to masquerade. Then she'll hear my anxious gasps for air and the deep pounding of my heart, like a hammer on hollow wood. She'll read my mind like an open book- the very thing that I hhad been trying anxiously to hide. Because it was screaming "Get me outta here!" I was sure she heard that scream, because the silence, like a megaphone, had amplified it a thousandfold.

So I desperately operated my innate search engine to locate the right words to say. Wheels were turning and pages were flipping in search of those words that had never existed. And never will. I heard myself said, "I am sure the LORD let things happen for a reason. I am sure He has a better plan in store." That was a lie. That was just the default response for a situation like this. It is not that He does not have a better plan, but it's just that, right at that very moment, I was not so sure about it.

A million questions popped up in my mind. Like the game in which you whack the bobbing heads with a club, I tried to strike each of these questions down, and confine them to the dungeon of my mind. But they were raving to get out, pushing and stampeding their way out. In the process, hurting me from the inside out. And the pain that was caused translated into tears that flowed freely down my cheeks.

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;

may the name of the LORD be praised."

Job 1:21b