Survival

Survivor is back!! And this time it is in Xinjiang, China. Okay, I may be a lil' outdated, but pardon me, as I don't have AXN at home. Anyway, let's rejoice!! Survivor is back!!

So, before the game began, all the contestants were brought to a Buddhist temple to 'perform a ritual'. Jeff said that it was not an act of worship, but it was just a way for the Chinese to welcome them onto Chinese soil.

But to my horror, after they entered the temple, they were made to hold jostick and kneel and bow (as in literally-put-their-face-to-the-ground kind of bow) to the huge gold statue! Half way through the 'ritual', there was a girl by the name of Leslie who ran out of the temple with tears streaming down her eyes and said she could not do it.

When asked by Jeff why didn't she do it even though he said it was not an act of worship, she said this one thing that made me feel so proud of her,

"I will only put my face to the ground for my Jesus."

Way to go, girl!

Now I truly understand how 'reality TV' got its name. It is a reflection of reality, of what is happening in the real world, of what is happening all around us. And Survivor is definitely nothing short of a microcosm of the world at large. After all, we are indeed fighting for survival, aren't we?

Let's see.... we are fighting for survival in the workplace (who wants to be the first to go when it's retrenchment time?); we are fighting for survival in the family (everyone wants to outdo their siblings!); we are fighting for survival in our spiritual lives, in the midst of a world that is choosing to deny the existence of God (and unfortunately, many are losing the fight...); and we are fighting for survival in life itself. Everyone tries to outplay, outwit and outlast each other, so as not to be the outcast.

Inevitably, there are people of stronger character who are born leaders, and there are those who naturally sink into the background and play the flower pots. Yet, everyone in their own ways seek to be the winner. Some resort to scheming and others to making alliances, only to turn on their allies in the end.

Then, there is the element of fate that comes into play. The game suddenly takes a different turn, and no one has seen it coming. Suddenly, the two groups are merged into one. Suddenly, you are diagnosed with a fatal disease and the doctor says that you have only one more month to live. Suddenly, you are told that the company does not need you anymore, just when you were eyeing on that empty manager seat. Suddenly, the one you love is leaving you for good. All the plans that you have laid out so perfectly before have to be put to rest now. All is lost. You are lost.

And things get even more tensed when the game is coming to an end. People start to turn against one another in order to save their own backs. Alliances are broken. Promises are broken. Friendships are broken. And you wonder if your heart is gonna be next. Yet, you eventually realise that you still need the people against whom you've turned your back. So you try to mend fences, hoping all is not too late. But a mended piece of clothing is never the same as a brand new one.

All these just for the reward. How much does the reward worth anyway? $1 million? Yet, you have purchased it with your integrity and your conscience. What have you really won in the end?

Of course, you think to yourself, if only you can play the game all over again, you will play the game differently. You will proceed with a different strategy altogether. You will not make the same mistakes the others have made. If only you are given a second chance, things will definitely be different.

But then again, how many of us are given a second chance?

However, it is always a comfort to know that, in spite of it all, the Game Master is still in control. This is but a Game of Life. All is still well.... or at least so we hope.

say Nay!

When I first joined college, the moment I walked into the first Christian Fellowship meeting, I promised myself not to get involved too actively. I wanted to just 'blend in' and remain in the background. I wanted to sit back and relax and for once be the 'audience'. I was too tired and worn out after years of serving Him.

Of course, my God has never failed to surprise me. While I dreamed of relaxing and doing nothing, He has other greater plans for me, as always. Needless to say, I found myself on the front stage once again.

It has been more than one and a half years now, and I certainly cannot deny the joy that I've found in serving Him. These three semesters have been more than just spiritual growth for me, for I was blessed with lots of fellow brothers and sisters who have helped me grow spiritually and have also inspired me to serve Him with even greater passion.

As I look back now, I laugh at my own folly. I have come to realise that there is no such thing as a retirement or anything of that sort, not even a vacation, when your boss is the Big Guy up there. Because the purpose of this life that you are living is to serve Him and Him alone. Retirement comes when you cease being. So, when I said that I just wanted to sit back and relax and be the audience, it was equivalent to saying that I was fed up serving Him, tired of living out the purpose of my life. Now, how stupid does that sound....? And oh, by the way, the audience of one in this show is also my Big Boss up there. So who am I to say that I want to be in the audience?

Again, looking back now, I am glad that I did not say Nay! when He placed me where He wanted me to be. Right now, I just feel like putting my face to the ground for Him!

something crazy

Recently I have been blessed with Steven Curtis Chapman's This Moment. One of the songs in the album is 'Something Crazy'. The chorus goes like this:

And it's crazy when love gets a hold of you

And it's crazy things that love will make you do

And it's crazy but it's true

You really don't know love at all

Till it's making you do something crazy

Talking about something crazy.... I've always dreamt of doing something crazy. Something really crazy like getting that homeless man in Taman Muda cleaned up and giving him some clothes; buying lunch for the beggars that lined the streets in Plaza Rakyat; sponsoring that cute little girl I saw on World Vision's website; helping that old lady I saw at the LRT station carry her bags down the stairs; giving that man with only RM 20 in his bank account some money.

However, every time these thoughts cross my mind, my mind immediately generates an automatic excuse to brush off such thoughts. It is as though that was a reflex. I wanted to do something crazy, yet physically, it seems as though there were some unspoken rules and unseen barriers withholding me.

It's dangerous to talk to strangers; some of these people won't even be grateful to me; I'm too young to do any such things; what will people think of me?

Well, I guess Love has yet to get a hold of me. Or perhaps I really don't know Love at all.

Journey of Madness

This is a journey of madness. A journey that goes beyond all reason and logic. A journey I've been on for a very long time, so long that at times I've forgotten how I began in the first place. Sometimes, along the way I pause, and I take a long hard look at how far I've come. And I give myself a pat on the back. A much needed pat to spur myself on. Sometimes, along the way I pause and I take a good long look, only to realise that I've not travelled that far after all.

But then again, how do I measure the distance? By whose yardstick do I measure it? Do I have to fall on my knees with tears streaming down my face somewhere along the way just to leave a landmark?

It has been so long now, that I can no longer remember how hard it was to get the journey started, or perhaps there was no hardship at all when the journey began. I can hardly remember how it all began. Yet, I was reminded of it time and again, so that I do not lose sight of my destination.

I was told that the mountains and valleys along the way help you grow and that they keep you fit for the rest of the journey. But what if there were no mountains and no valleys? Do you still grow? Or perhaps there were. Perhaps I got so used to them that they just became yet another routine for me. Perhaps I got around them instead of getting over them.

Of course, I wonder just what does it take to get over the mountains and the valleys. Maybe I'll have to leave some bags behind. Maybe I'll have to leave all my bags behind. Just how much am I willing to leave behind when the time comes? That question still remains.

living to die or dying to live?

According to my dad, according to an article he read, palm trees continue to live and grow as long as they do not bear fruit. The moment they bear fruit, they will self-terminate. According to the article, there's a species of palm trees in Madagascar that bear fruits only once in a hundred years, and then after that, death becomes inevitable. They live for a hundred years to fulfill their purpose, then they die. In other words, those trees literally live to die.

If living for Christ means living to die, so be it. But let's not be dying to live a life that has no purpose. For a tree that does not bear fruit is "cut down and thrown into the fire".
I've heard of people who are dying to live, but living to die? Never heard of it. So often people are struggling to survive. People try so hard to stay alive that they've forgotten the purpose of living. What good is a palm tree if it doesn't bear palm fruit? So what if it lives up to hundreds of years?

Psalms 119:175 says this, "Let me live that I may praise you...". This was David's proclamation. Let this be our proclamation as well. Let us live to fulfill the purpose of our very lives: to extol the creator. It may be through our deeds, but it may also be through our deaths.

"20I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed,

but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body,

whether by life or by death.

21For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

22If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me."

Phillipians 1: 20-22

If living for Christ means living to die, so be it. But let's not be dying to live a life that has no purpose. For a tree that does not bear fruit is "cut down and thrown into the fire".