holidays!... or holidays?

I am officially on holiday! Well, 'officially' does not always mean 'actually'. And in this case, it certainly does not. There are so many things lined up for my holiday... Let's see....

1. do one essay per day for Law
2. attend extra classes for Literature (that means having to go back to college)
3. study for Literature Unit 4 exam in January
4. study for Economics resit papers in January
5. Christmas (= presentations and events)
6. Life Game Camp

Some holiday, huh? One thing's for sure, though: it's gonna be 'action-packed'!

Blessing from Above

This was caught on candid camera!

How lovely and pensive she looks! I've always wanted a sister, but God gave me two brothers instead. However, my God, who is an awesome God, has blessed me with a wonderful cousin. I sure do love her... a lot!!

interesting!

"Ambition.... is a great man's madness,
that is not kept in chains and close-pent rooms,

but in fair lightsome lodgings, and is girt

with the wild noise of prattling visitants

which makes it lunatic beyond all cure."

-Antonio, John Webster's "Duchess of Malfi"

"The misery of us that are born great,

We are forced to woo because none dare woo us"

-Duchess, John Webster's "Duchess of Malfi"

The other side of driving

It was a fine morning when he said, "Come out, Dorcas. I teach you how to change the tyres. This is very different from the old car." As though I knew how to change the tyres of the old car! Anyway, I obediently went out in my pyjamas.

"Don't you want to change into something else? In case you dirty your pyjamas," Mum said. What?! I thought I was just suppose to observe him doing it! You know, be the audience.... I didn't know it's going to be a hands-on training.

First, he showed me how to replace and retrieve the spare tyre. Well, I did not even know where the spare tyre was kept, to begin with. Anyway, he showed me how to do it at first, then he made me do it as well. It was not so difficult after all! You just screw and screw and screw till the thing is tight.....

After that, he taught me how to jack up the car to change the tyres. So he began by showing me where the jack was kept. When one mentions 'jack', the image of a red and white lawn-mower-like thing appears in my mind's eyes. To my surprise, he took out this black and shiny bomb-like thing with a knob in front that really looked more like a bunsen burner. Then he showed me where to place the thing. It was supposed to be placed somewhere under the suspension, I think. Of course, I did not even know what a suspension looked like.

"See that thing over there? You place it right there." I just nodded and replied with an "uh-huh". But to be honest, the whole of the bottom part of the car looks the same to me. After all, the whole thing is black in colour, and I am pretty sure every part is just as dirty.

So finally he got it done and over with, and I had to help keep all the tools, which I was almost certain weighed more than a tonne. And I wonder why no one ever said anything about changing the tyres when I signed up for driving lessons....

It is no wonder why girls find it hard to connect with their dads. I am sure if it were my brother, he would have been so eager to do these things. But me? change the tyres? under this hot sun? You must be kidding.... I always believe that my God is an awesome God. I can't marvel more at His wisdom than when He created Adam and his sons. Who is gonna change the tyres if they do not exist?

Doing it my way!

I found this very cute comic on 'Being Five':



Cute and interesting, isn't it? Sure it is, but it also reminds me of us. Yes, us, as in you and me!

It reminds me of the time when I told God that I was old enough to do things on my own. I told Him that I didn't need His help anymore. And the worst part of the story is not when I made mistakes, the worst part is when I made a mistake and I did not even know that I'd made one. Like Georgie, I wonder why 'there's an upside down number which was not there'.

While it is necessary for us to grow up and be independent, we have to realise that we will never be able to totally do things on our own without the help of anyone. That is why God has said that He will be with us always. He didn't say that He will be with us until we are old enough spiritually, because He knows we will never be old enough to do everything correctly.

It is also the same in the real world. As teens grow older, we have a tendency to deny help and advice. We think we are old enough to do it on our own. Of course, we never think we are not capable of doing certain things, because we do not even know we have made a mistake in the first place. That is why God has placed in our lives long-suffering parents who relentlessly contribute their generous suggestions and advice in every single thing we do. I am sure God has placed them in our lives for a reason.

Mistake-making is an inevitable part of life, which does not fade away with the process of aging. We still make mistakes, just that the mistakes that we make at every stage of our lives differ. It's high time we all learn to ask for help once in a while when things get out of hand!

officially 19

And I've officially turned 19! As I am writing now, I am precisely 19 years, 23 hours and 32 minutes old. I almost cannot believe that I've lived for 19 years. It sounds like such a long time... that's almost 2 decades, you know.

How was my day, you may ask. It was okay.... Nothing exceptional, as I am resigned to the fact that my life is a routine. However, yesterday, I was reminded of just how rich I am.

The very first birthday wish came all the way from Australia (1am Aussie time), from a friend whose birthday I do not even know. Then, at presicely 12 midnight, my best friend's wish came. From then on, my phone never stopped beeping. Even 'someones' (is that the plural for someone?) tried to go against convention and sent in their wishes at precisely 00:00 November 21, so that they will be the very last persons to wish me (and I thought they had forgotten). Well, they succeeded!

Most amazing thing is that my friends back in secondary school were the very first ones to send in their wishes, some of whom whose number I do not even have. How very nice of them to remember me....

See, I am indeed a very rich person, don't you think? Rich, not of worldly richest, but because of the many people around me who cares about me. People whom, at times, I have overlooked...

Man, I feel so special and pampered!!

Oh, and there was this very special gift from the other half of my class.... Maybe one day you guys will get to see it.

essays, essays......

And I'm finally done with writing admission essays! 1 or 2 essays for one application and I've submitted five applications. So, you do the math! This answers for the lack of post on my blog lately. And I thought I enjoyed writing and would like to pursue a career in writing.... Well, this admission essay business sure drained all the interest that I have ever had for writing, at least for the moment.

Honestly, how can it not, when you are asked to write a 2-5 page essay describing yourself and your dreams, and another essay indicating a person who has had a significant influence on you. I know myself too well to reduce my 19 years (minus one day) of life on earth into a 2-5 page essay, yet I live a life that is too common and too regular and too routine to fill up 2 to 5 pages with anything that is of any real interest to an outsider. My dreams? Oh well, at the moment, I do not have any plans of leading a revolution or to change the world. My dream is to get married and have some kids so that I can build a family of my own. And this is exactly what I wrote in my essay. (trust me, my right hand is on the Bible) The person who has had the most significant influence in my life? Undoubtedly, that person is Dorcas Lam a.k.a. Lam Yarn Pooi a.k.a. Dorcas Yarn-Pooi Lam a.k.a. me! hands down. I mean, from whom can you learn better life lessons than yourself? After all, you are the only person whose strengths and weaknesses are all known to you. Unfortunately, this did not sound like a very good choice of answer to be written in an admission essay. So, you see my dilemma?

And then, besides the essays, I was also asked to submit short answers to questions like:

1. Why do you choose X University? What do you think is so distinct about this university?

Frankly, I really did not choose the university. But I believe the university will be very distinct to me if it offers me full scholarship, and I will definitely choose the university then.

2. What can you contribute to the community at X University?

What can I contribute? If I am admitted, but not on full scholarship, funds and US Dollars are what I will be contributing.

And just when I thought I am done with admission essays, I am asked to consider applying for the Honors Program, which requires me to write another 6-page essay explaining how I will gain from doing the Honors Program.

Heck, I am not even admitted into the university yet. How am I suppose to know how I will benefit from the program? c'mon...

Finding them a little too late

I realise that I am always a little too late. Too late for what, you may ask. Too late for relationships to be developed. Not mere acquaintance, but real deep relationships. I have often known someone for a long long time, but it is only very much later that we discover, or I discover, that we can be really close friends, only to find that we have to go our separate ways already.

It happened in primary school. My best friend in primary school happened to be a guy. We were in the same class since Standard One, but we never became close friends until we reached Standard Five, only to find that we will be going to different schools in different countries in two years' time. Out of my six years in primary school, four years were spent in solitude. Although we still keep in contact, it is not the same.

It happened in secondary school. My best friend in secondary school is probably my bestest friend ever. We were in the same pathetically small school since Form One, and we both served in the Prefectorial Board since Form One. Yet, I did not know of her existence till we were in the same class in Form Three, and we were not even close then. It was in Form Four that we became really close. Now I think she is the person who knows me best besides my Mom. And I wonder why I have not found her earlier. Because when we were in Form Five, we were both lamenting how very short a time we spent together. So we ended up talking on the phone for hours after leaving secondary school.

It happened in college. Hannah was in Bible Knowledge (henceforth to be known as BK) class with me for two years. Besides knowing her by face, I know virtually next to nothing about her. We never even spoke to each other. Then I found her to be in my second semester Law class in college. Only then we became close friends, and she became my self-appointed body guard. It was her last semester, and the time we spent together lasted for less than six months. Then there was Kit Yan, who was also in the same BK class with me for two years. All I knew about her was that she was a high scorer in BK. Only when she came to MCKL, we became really close friends and we became each other's spiritual support. And I wonder why it did not occur to me to get to know them earlier.

It happened in church. I knew Jonathan since we were babies, I think. And we did not even say more than 'Hi!' and 'Bye!' for the first seventeen years of my life. It is only recently that we became good friends as we serve in youth and it is indeed a joy to have someone like him as a friend. Only I wish we could be acquainted earlier. Then there are the Lohs (Miss, Mr and Mrs Loh) who has been in KLBCC for more than five years. We even served together in the worship ministry for quite some time. Yet I did not know them well till recently, only to realise what blessings I've missed out all these years, and the privilege of being called someone's princess. Unfortunately, I may be leaving next year.

And I wonder why am I always a little too late in realising the blessings in disguise that are scattered all around me. Perhaps I need some help in finding them. Perhaps my vision is not so good and I need some aid in locating these little jewels in my life. Perhaps I need a dose of discernment to identify the ones who are my true friends, so that I do not mistake the fake ones as true friends, and miss out the genuine ones. Perhaps I need to be constantly on the lookout.

Sweet!

As I was flipping through my diary, I saw these quotes that I had taken down:

"I have not broken your heart- you have broken it; and in breaking it, you have broken mine."

"I forgive what you have done to me. I love my murderer- but yours! How can I?"

-by Heathcliff, Charlotte Bronte's "Wuthering Heights"

Now I know.....

Now I finally know why in Malaysia we always have long festive holidays. If they are not one-week long, they are at least two or three days long, like the Deepavali holidays this time. Remember the ban for fire crackers? Well, apparently the ban was not very effective (obviously!). So, instead of having a preventive measure, the govenment has sought to using cures. Since people like to play with fire crackers, especially at night after bedtime, the government allows long festive holidays. Just in case people didn't get enough sleep and can't wake up for school and work the next morning, it's okay, cause there will be holidays. Aww.... how nice! But just too unfortunate for people like me who enjoy and cherish a night of peaceful slumber.

Sunday's Child

Monday's child is fair of face,

Tuesday's Child is full of grace,

Wednesday's child is full of woe,

Thursday's child has far to go,

Friday's child is loving and giving,

Saturday's child works hard for a living,

But the child that is born on the Sabbath Day is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

November 20, 1988 was a Sunday. Guess that explains a lot, huh? haha......

'The Shawshank Redemption'

It is my exam week, yet within less than 24 hours, I managed to watch the same movie twice on DVD. Well, that really tells how remarkable the movie is! It is indeed one of the best ones I've watched so far. Hands down.... So, ladies and gentleman, presenting to you 'The Shawshank Redemption', starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman.

The movie is set in a prison. It is about a man who was wrongly convicted of murder and was sentenced to life imprisonment, and the things that go on in there really startle you and I. But the thing that thugs at my heart string is the message of friendship and hope that is being brought out. Of all places, it is really ironical that such a message is preached from a prison, where it is known to be a place where no one is your friend. And hope? Sounds to me like the most unlikely thing to be found in a prison.

Anyway, here are a few lines that I would like to quote from the movie:

"There are places in the world that aren't made out of stone.....There's something inside that they can't get to, that they can't touch. It's yours."

It is about hope. Hope is the thing that keeps one alive, and it is the only thing that no one can take away from you. Unfortunately, it is also the thing of which many deprive themselves.

They say that hope is a dangerous thing. It drives a man insane. I say hope is a dangerous thing. Without hope, you have no sanity to be driven away. They say the higher your hope soars, the greater the impact of the subsequent disappointment. I say if your hope does not soar, you will not even live to be disappointed. Hope keeps one alive. While it may be your decision to draw in each breath that is directly keeping you alive, it is hope or hopelessness that brings about that decision.

Here's a wonderful poem on HOPE, by Emily Dickinson:

PART ONE: LIFE, Emily Dickinson

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,

And sings the tunes without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest is the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

At the very end of the movie, this was shown on the screen: "This movie was nominated for 7 Academy Awards, including the Best Picture. It won none."

Gentlemanly

It was a long and tiring day. After spending part of my morning in school trying to get certification for my documents, then sneaking out in between classes to post them to US, I still had to make a trip to MACEE in the afternoon. Just as I thought I can hitch a ride back home with Dad, he told me that I had to take the Monorail and LRT home as he did not bring his car that day. *sigh*

So I reached the LRT station, I saw the train leaving before my eyes. So I had to board the next train. It was not crowded (thank God!), but there was no seat left. With my 1-tonne backpack on my shoulders, my jacket hanging from my left arm, and my bottle and a plastic bag of files and documents on my right, I squeezed myself into a corner of the train in an attempt to locate my comfort zone for the short 5 minutes.

Then, he got up and offered me his seat. At the exact moment, the train jerked a little, and we were practically face-to-face. It was a moment of awkwardness. So I quickly nodded and muttered my thank you. As I sat down, I was overwhelmed by a sudden surge of mixed emotions. After all, I had never been offered a seat in the 19 years of my life on earth. Well, I have come to realise two things though:

1. There are gentlemen still living in the 21st Century! (oops, sorry guys. No offence! It's just a hyperbolical remark!)
2. Being offered a seat makes me feel so nice, yet so embarrassed at the same time. (after all, I'm only 19 years old!) Talking about mixed emotions......