Turning 50

Malaysia has just turned 50! That's a big number.... 50 years is equivalent to half a century, and that sure sounds big! As with all middle-age men, when you are of a certain age, it is only natural that you take a look at life (and I mean a serious look!)-- of the past and of the future. As for Malaysia as a nation, it is time for us to ask ourselves whether we are truly "MERDEKA!" or are we "merdeka?".

During the pre-National Day craze (as I would like to call it), the newspapers were constantly filled with news of the Jalur Gemilang being flown here and there, and the Jalur Gemilang being made up of this and that. Despite all these, the government is still pretty upset that motorists are not 'passionately' flying the Jalur Gemilang. Frankly, I find this very..... amusing (as in "funny" amusing). So what if you fly the national flag and so what if you don't? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against flying the national flag. No one can deny that it is a patriotic gesture.

However, I do not think that not flying the flag or flying less flags means that you are not patriotic. In the same way, flying the national flag right outside your house or on your vehicle does not mean that you are very patriotic. Even foreign fishermen who encroached into our waters flew the flag in the hope of misleading the authorities. At times, our nation is so engrossed with having the biggest and longest, tallest and widest of things, that we overlooked things that really matter to us as a nation. So what if we have the largest Jalur Gemilang made up of rice? Wouldn't the rice be more beneficial if it were donated to the poor and needy?

I believe that true love for the country comes from your heart. When you cease to magnify the faults of the local government in your own eyes and in the eyes of your foreign counterparts, that's being patriotic. When you identify the weak links in the systems of the country and try to do your best to mitigate and remedy the situation, that's being patriotic. When you internalise the needs and burdens of the country and intercede on her behalf, and ask God for His mercy and His provision, that's being patriotic.

But you see, some things in this country are just.... plain gone case. That's nothing much we can do to make things better. Ah, I see! So that's why so many people, Christians and Chinese especially, opted to leave the country and migrate to another country, say Australia, Singapore and Canada, thinking that life over there will be much better. After all, the grass on the other side is always greener. In answering this question, we must first ask ourselves the question regarding our identity. We always say we are Chinese or Indian. Hello!! Chinese come from China and Indians come from India. Some claiming to be Chinese have never even set foot on Chinese soil!

Frankly, for people like myself, a Chinese who has never even gotten a single glimpse of China, really have no place to be called home. I can't claim to be a Chinese Chinese (some can't even speak Chinese, really), and migrating to Australia or Canada does not make me more of an Australian or a Canadian. However, deep within me (and all of us, I'm sure) I know who I really am-- a Malaysian. At least, if I remain in Malaysia, I can call myself a Malaysian, and that's who I am.

As Hon Whi said yesterday, all of us are searching for a perfect government, a perfect country, where there is hundred percent equality, where everybody is being treated equally, without a trace of partiality. Unfortunately, my friends, there is no such thing as perfection, and equality is a fantasy, as long as you are on earth. You can traverse the breadth and length of the earth in search for perfection, but it will be as futile as Shi Huang Ti's quest for the Fountain of Youth.

In Malaysia, a certain people group is being recognised as having certain special rights, and these rights are being provided for in the Constitution. It is a taboo. No one questions it, and no one is allowed to question it. Those who do so may probably share the same fate as Wee Meng Chee. How then can we do anything to improve the situation, when we are not even allowed to question and ask for equal rights to be rendered? The only way is for us to leave the country. Yes, it is true that there is nothing we can do to obtain equal rights. It is just impossible. However, things can improve. The core to national unity, is not for all to have equal rights, but for all to be content with all that they have. Well, at least we have basic human rights. At least we have the right to preserve our culture and traditions. At least we have the right to practice our own faith. At least we have the freedom to worship our God freely. Isn't that enough?

In Phillipians 4:12, Paul says "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." How can we harp on minor imperfections in the country, like a less than ideal education system, a less than perfect government and a less than desirable constitution, when Paul was content with all that he had in a jail cell, where there was no education, no democratic government and no human rights at all? It has been 50 years now. Let us be truly merdeka, not only as a nation, but also in our mindset.

Viva la Italia!

My parents have gone to Port Dickson for a staff retreat and my brothers and I are home alone! interesting... Whenever anyone hears of this news, the first thing they ask is, "How about your meals?" No sweat, fellas, we can cope. We are going Italian! Actually, we decided to indulge ourselves in 'fine Italian dining'. Where, you may ask... Well, I will disclose the venue later. The menu for the day is as follows:

appetizer

Chicken and Mushroom soup

Toast with butter

main course

Spaghetti with Bolognese mushroom sauce plus extra cheese

dessert

***

drinks

Green and Red Apple Juice

It seemed like a pretty nice menu to me, although the dessert was missing and the food was served in topsy-turvy order. Main course came first, then the appetizer, followed by the drinks. Oh, by the way, if I have yet to tell you where we had Italian food, it was at 30, Jalan Pandan Indah 16, Pandan Indah. Yup, at my home! I cooked the soup, Samuel made the main course with my counsel, made the toast and the juices. Joseph, of course, did the washing and cleaning up.

It was fun and we spent more than an hour eating and preparing the food and messing the kitchen up. *oops!* I wish I could share with you guys our culinary masterpieces, but unfortunately it didn't occur to me to take any picture of them. Well, we didn't plan to have such a scrumptious meal. The initial plan was just to have spaghetti, but it turned out to be so extensive. wow!

Actually, the thing I enjoyed most was not the food. Frankly, if a culinary chef were to rate the food, he will probably give them a 3 on a scale of ten, that is if he even wants to try the food. It is actually the time we spent together; just the three of us, catching up on each other and bonding. Just putting aside all the differences and coming together and laugh and play (we unconsciously spent a lot of time quarrelling, you know). Moments like these are really rare. So, it makes my day all the more special and wonderful.This is the most precious gift I obtained today. Of course, the Italian dining is a complement.

some amazing quotes

Here are some quotes from Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë which I found amazing. It will be even more amazing if not for the fact that the speakers are married, but not to each other...

"...for every thought she spends on Linton, she spends a thousand on me!"

"If he loved with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn't love as much in eighty years as I could in a day."

"...the sea could be as readily contained in that horse trough, as her whole affection be monopolised by him!"

- by Emily Brontë's Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights

"My great miseries in this world has been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source for little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I AM Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."

- by Emily Brontë's Catherine Earnshaw in Wuthering Heights

Unforgivable!

The name 'Namewee' and the title 'Negaraku Ku' are not strangers to us. Recently, they stole the limelight from the preparations for our 50th Independence Day when they repeatedly appeared on the front page of the newspapers, before the limelight was again stolen by the fatal bus accident that took 22 lives.

The controversial video clip "came under fire for mocking the national anthem and making statements many found offensive". It purportedly "[created] anti government sentiments and [fanned] racism". To sum it all up, it simply meant that it had shaken the fundamentals of our society. Oh, wow! 50 years now and the fundamentals of our society are so easily shaken? I for one did not realise that our fundamentals were so fragile, so much so that a six-minute rap created by a 24-year-old can have such significant impact on our society that should, by now, be well-established.

Confession time: I watched the video clip on YouTube, but I do not think that my opinion of it bears much significance. Hence, I shall not elaborate on it right here. However, when a minister was asked why this clip was considered to be a mockery of the national anthem, he said that it was because the national anthem should be sung in a respectful manner and should not be sung as a rap. Besides that, according to the minister, the word 'Ku Ku' in 'Negaraku Ku' can also mean 'cuckoo' and therefore is a form of insult.

Frankly, I find the explanation hilarious. National anthems can't be a rap? What if ten years from now the young people of today who will eventually be the leaders of tomorrow decide to have a rap song as the national anthem? Why should their creativity be stunted? The genre of the music does not affect the message that the song bears, does it? 'Ku Ku' = 'cuckoo'? I thought there is a word in the Kamus Dewan with the same spelling and pronunciation. Does it mean 'cuckoo' too?

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that what Wee Meng Chee did was right and acceptable. In fact, it was legally wrong and unjustifiable. The lyrics of his song had indeed encroached on issues which are considered to be 'sensitive issues' in the constitution. As Malaysians, we have a duty to uphold the constitution and to honour it, whether or not we agree to its contents. This is because our forefathers had agreed to it, and therefore, it is only appropriate that we give them due respect.

However, I still think that various parties have unnecessarily kicked up a fuss over this issue. He "[made] statements many found offensive". Please define 'many'! The whole population of Malaysia? I don't think so. And what about those who found it offensive and yet felt that it was unnecessary to kick up such a fuss over the immature actions of a 24-year-old?

Well, I was personally offended by the remarks of the parliamentarians who insulted not only the female population in the country, but also the womenfolk in their own families. Yet they were let off the hook with a mere apology. Oh well, they didn't really mean what they said. Hmm... I sure am not creative enough to come out with any other interpretation of their words, except to take it at face value.

It sure brings us to question why the inconsiderate remarks of people who are supposed to be leaders of the country can be so easily forgiven, when the immature actions of a 24-year-old cannot be forgiven and must be brought to court.

Well, it "[fanned] racism". This is not acceptable in a multi-racial country like Malaysia. Ah, I see. What about politicians who fuelled racial sentiments for their own political gain? They can be let off the hook but not a 24-year-old who did not even know the trouble he got himself into?

You know, Mummy always says that if someone says something untrue about you, and you know that it is untrue, the best way to shut them up is to turn a deaf ear to them. Well, of course, if what is being said is true, it is a different story altogether. Crows don't like looking into the mirror because they don't like what they see.

Ironically, the exact opposite is just being carried out. With all the publicity the mass media is giving to the video clip, more attention is drawn to it. Curiosity is sparked and people like me, who would not have come across the video if not for the reports in the papers, watched the video clip on YouTube out of sheer curiosity. Now, even school children are singing the song and they even know the lyrics by heart. So much for discouraging mockery of the national anthem!

Such an act is not prevented by merely bringing the young man in question to court as a warning to all. Instead, respect for the country should be instilled by teaching them to discern between right and wrong. Penalising the current culprit is just a stopgap measure. Young people do not have to be told what is right and what is not by being spoon-fed certain stereotype mindsets and shutting them up whenever they are perceived to be wrong. Certain values need to be instilled so that they can discern for themselves between right and wrong. Then in that case, it does not matter what is being posted on the web, as it will not be able to sway the principles and values that are deeply inculcated and ingrained within the spirit of a true Malaysian.

Lost Verse

"When it empties into the Sea, the water there becomes fresh. Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live." Ezekiel 47:8-9

This is one of the verses I really liked. I wrote it down and kept it in my diary, but recently, when I wanted to take it out and look for the reference, it seemed to have disappeared. I tried looking it up in the Bible concordance, but I couldn't seem to locate it, as it is not one of the famous verses, like John 3:16. So I looked it up in the online Bible concordance. After hours of searching, I finally found it. Yay!

Well, you may be wondering why this verse. It seems like another one of the verses in the Old Testament, describing this and that, or maybe it sounds like Thomas Hardy's non-stop description of the surrounding (bear with me and my Hardy, as you must understand that I am doing Hardy's text for Literature). Well, stop looking at the face value of the words. Stop taking the verse literally and you will understand.

When I first came across this verse in the Bible, it left a deep impression on me. I marvel at the extensive influence of the river. It even turns sea water into fresh water. Is that amazing or what? Even with modern technology, this is not possible (so I think). And wherever it flows, it brings life!

This makes me reflect on my own life. How amazing it will be if my life can have that kind of an influence on the people around me! To bring life wherever I go (not literally, as I am not God), and to make a difference wherever I go. It brings to mind the message Sis Kim Cheng gave in CF last Friday. Legacy Live! ('Live' means secara langsung). I can make a difference for God wherever He places me right now. I don't have to leave a legacy only after I die.

This is how I want my life to be. It is my prayer that my life will be like the river-- To turn sea water to fresh water and to bring life wherever I go.

Life on a Roller Coaster

Life is like a ride on a roller coaster. Indeed! I left my hand phone at home for one whole day and on the same day I got one of the worst news I ever got in my lifetime, so far... (and without my hand phone, I couldn't share the news with anyone who truly cares). I do not wish to go into details right here, right now, as to do so will be to dig deeper into the wound that has already made its presence felt in my heart. That is, of course, if my heart is still there. The moment the news was broken to me, I felt as though my heart just fell from the third floor and shattered into millions of pieces. Well, whatever said and done, life still goes on.

To balance the scale, I too had my fair share of excitement to which I look forward. It's my parents' 22nd Wedding Anniversary! Well, what has that got to do with you? Good question! Occasions like these are usually perceived to be the affair of both the parties involved: Valentine's Day, Wedding anniversary etc. But I was brought up to think that these are not merely two-persons-affairs. My parents take the effort every year to get us somehow involved in them. Valentine's Day is a celebration of love, not just love in the context of romance, but love in every other context. Wedding anniversaries...... oh well, without them where would I be?

As I may be leaving for the States next year, I really want to make this anniversary a special one for them. So after 'plotting' with my brothers, we decided to arrange a candlelight dinner for the both of them. This sounded pretty easy to me at first, but little did I know that it is far more complicated than it seemed. I had to make some surveys and look for a pretty place, then find a way to make reservations for the dinner, and settle the bill without my parents' knowledge. For someone as immobile as myself, this is indeed hard work!

Finally, with the help of the Internet, I located the Boardwalk Poolside Restaurant at Hilton Kuala Lumpur. It is a very nice place. Perfect ambiance! Perfect place for a romantic date! (oops! I kissed dating goodbye... well, I mean, for married couples.) I then made trips to the hotel to settle arrangements for the night and settle the bill as well. This is the hardest part! Being the forgetful and clumsy person I am, I went and made reservations without realising that I did not have enough cash to pay for the bill! (That's so embarrassing!) Being the *ahem!* intelligent me, I cooked up some lame excuses to rush home and retrieve the cash. This turned out to be better than I supposed it to be.

The second time I went, the freshie who took my reservations was not there. Instead, I was attended to by the assistant manager. Cool! He is the friendliest guy I have ever met and he really tried to work things out for me with my limited budget. Cooler! The really nice chef even gave me (I mean my parents) complimentary cake for the special occasion. Coolest! And the assistant manager promised to personally see to my arrangements and he will personally serve my parents. This is so interesting!

This came as a real surprise to my parents. If it were not for the name card I attached to the invitation I gave to my parents, they would have brushed it off as one of our pranks. My mum couldn't believe it and she thought Dad had a hand in it. Dad was speechless and he just went to bed (probably he still thinks it is a dream). Anyway, I am really excited about it even though it burnt a hole in my pocket. Thank goodness I have two brothers to help share the amount! (Now I see what siblings are for. Finally they come in handy.)

Tomorrow is the big day and I can't wait to see what's gonna happen. Well, at least I now have something interesting to look forward to, so that my attention is diverted from my deep sorrow. Anyway, just a reminder to you guys: Special occasions are not meant for two people only. Special occasions are special because there are people who took the effort to make them truly special. When you put a hand in making it special, the joy that is shared is indescribable.

Lessons on Faith

They say God speaks to us in a still small voice. So, we have to be really attentive to listen to His whisper. But in this case, He was almost shouting it out to me! Well, He got my attention.

As I was doing my quiet time couple of weeks back on the 18th of July, the article for that day was something about faith. It was not about faith as in faith (you know what I mean), but it was about trusting God with our lives, for He sees the big picture and we don't (okay, it is about faith). I had no idea why, but the subject of faith kept lurking in the back of my mind. I thought of publishing a post on 'Faith', but I really had no idea what to write. So I stuffed it back to the back of my mind.

Two Sundays ago, Dad preached on some great men in the Bible having great faith, like Enoch, Noah and Jacob (from Hebrews 11:1-7). Faith again! Just a coincidence, I thought. But at the back of my mind, it bothered me that the subject of faith kept recurring in my everyday life. Then, last Sunday, again his sermon was on faith-- "A Faith Worth Duplicating" (Hebrews 11:8-16) on the example of Abraham's faith. Well, I thought, he was continuing the passage, of course it was on the same subject.

I got the shock of my life when I opened to today's passage in Our Daily Bread. "The Leap" was the title. Without looking at the rest of the article, I knew what 'leap' that is-- the leap of faith. It turned out, indeed, to be the leap of faith, and the Bible verse for today is exactly the same verse Dad preached on on Sunday. It can't be a coincidence. There is definitely more to it. The words were jumping out at me, grabbing me, bidding me to lend them my ears.

I think God is trying to teach me a lesson on faith, on placing my trust wholly on Him. I really have no idea which area of my life He is referring to, although I feel strongly that it is very much regarding my future, my career path and education. So, my prayer partner, if you are reading this, do remember me in your prayer, that God will show me even more clearly which aspect of my life is He wants me to entrust to Him.

Faith is really a big word. Having faith means believing in something you cannot see. It is like walking with your eyes closed, like Abraham, "obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going". I must admit it sounds scary. Those of you who went to the "Heart of Worship" retreat will know what I mean. Remember the game we played where the players were blindfolded and all they did was to listen and obey the instructions their respective team leaders gave? Yvonne will definitely know what I mean. Although the game was played on an open field with just a few trees at the end of the field, the 'blind men' were so afraid to move forward. They were told to run, and they 'ran' (or pretended to run), which made those of us who were not blindfolded feel like laughing our heads off (the way they 'ran' was hilarious). The trees were so far away and they were on an open field, yet every time they take a step, it was with uncertainty and fear.

Having faith in God is something like that. Taking a leap of faith is like walking with blindfolds. We are uncertain and we are afraid, because we do not knows what lies ahead. When God says, "Go ahead! Run! I've prepared a way for you," we who are blinded to what lies beyond the present try to run or pretend to run, but just like the players, every step was taken with uncertainty and fear. I can imagine God, just like those leaders who were not blindfolded, who were able to see the whole scenario, must be laughing his head off to see us so frightened to take even a single step when the road before us is probably like the open field, with no barriers and with even more space for us to roam free.

Taking a leap of faith means to really run (and run with all your might!) when God tells you to run, even though you are blindfolded and know not what lies ahead, whether a it is a rocky path or an open field. It is not easy. In fact, it is never easy. Those who played the game know it well. However, no matter what lies ahead, we can find solace in the promise God made to us in Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Isn't that just beautiful? Now we can be sure that the Lord will not make us run into a big tree. Even if He does, it is probably to prevent us from running into a bigger tree, or just to knock some much needed sense into our heads.

This brings to mind Ian's theory about the lamp and spot light. "This is my opinion why God doesn't reveal the blueprint of our lives slap in our faces but takes us through each step day by day. In Psalm 119:105, it reads "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path". It didn't say "Your word is a spotlight for my path". Spotlights are very powerful and can shine a whole way down a road and reveal everything. But instead it is a lamp. You know how a lamp shines light right? Short distances only..." It is a lesson on faith. God wants us to trust him with every step we take along the way. Not just once in a while, or to seek his opinion as a second advice or when we do not know what we do, but to trust His plan for our lives with every step we take, whether it is one small step or one big leap.

I had been struggling hard to trust God wholly, after all, I am not Abraham and it is frightening to walk in the dark, not knowing where I am headed. What if God leads me to somewhere I do not want to go? What if He has a different plan for me? A plan different from mine? However, along the way, I have come to realised that there is no point in arguing with God. After all, He has the bird's-eyes-view of my life, when all I see is the present. It will really be stupid for the blindfolded players to insist on having their own way and disobey the directions given by the team leaders. There is such a higher chance of them running into one of the big trees, or even run out of the field.

P.S: Hey Ian, sorry for violating your copyright. Hope you don't mind...

The Prodigal Son's Brother

I am sure the story of the prodigal son is not foreign to any of us. It is the story of the young man who demanded his share of inheritance and then squandered it in loose living. It is very often used to illustrate a father's love for his son and his willingness to forgive and forget when the son repents, just like our Father up in heaven. However, every time I read of the parable, my attention is always drawn to the most insignificant character in the whole of the parable-- the man's elder son, the prodigal son's brother.

One cannot deny that, of the two sons the man had, the elder one should be the 'pet son', the favourite child, for he was obedient and diligently worked his father's farm without making much of a demand, that is, except during the last part. However, at the end of the story, he was portrayed to be somewhat of a villain. He was not happy that his father made such a fuss of his little brother's return, when his silent labour went almost unnoticed and unappreciated. Of course, if we were in Sunday School classes or Bible Knowledge class, we would have been told that he was in the wrong, for he should have rejoiced for the return of his brother who was "dead and is alive again; was lost and is found". After all, this is the correct answer, if we were asked such a question under such circumstances. Well, it is a parable, and if a new believer has returned to God's family, we should be rejoicing. True, it is a parable, and if there is a new believer, we will indeed rejoice for the lost sheep that has returned. But let's look at it in the earthly context rather than its heavenly context. After all, this is a story set in an earthly setting. What if YOU were in the place of the brother? I can't deny the fact that, very often, I actually identify with the brother.

As I continue, do allow me to name the characters (the Bible did not name them), as it will ease any references made to the characters instead of using lots of pronouns to identify them. Let's call the father Mr. Richie (I supposed he was rather rich to enable his son to have a fair share of inheritance), the elder brother Richie Sr, and the younger brother Richie Jr.

One day, Richie Jr approached his father to get his share of half the inheritance. Let's assume that Mr. Richie had $1000, so half of that will be $500. He took the money and then went off to a place somewhat similar to today's Las Vegas and spent all his money there and indulged in all sorts of enjoyment: gambling, women, alcohol and clubbing. At the same time, Richie Sr was working hard, with sweat dripping from his brow to earn money and make profit for his father's household without a single word of complaint and making no demands whatsoever to his father. He was doing what is within the scope of responsibility of a son.

Then one fine day, say 1 month down the road, that jerk of a brother returns and apologetically asks for forgiveness. Not only was he granted forgiveness, but a party was thrown to celebrate his homecoming. Expensive gifts were showered upon him to celebrate his safe return, when Richie Sr who was working so hard did not get so much of a pat on the back. I can understand why Richie Sr was so upset.

Let's take the story a little further. If Mr. Richie died 5 years later, and on the average, his annual profit from the farm was about $100, at the time of his death, his inheritance would have amounted to $900 (assuming he spent $100 for the party: the leftover of $400 + the extra $500 earned in 5 years). Then, his inheritance will be divided among his sons. Although I am not sure if it will be equally divided, I am sure both sons will at least get something. Let's assume Richie Sr got $600 (being the first born and also for his labour) and Richie Jr got $300. Well, in total, Richie Sr got only $600, while his brother got $900 (initial $500 + party $100 + $300). So much for working faithfully for his father!

I never understand why Richie Sr was the one being rebuked while he had been the faithful son all along. I think he had grounds to ask to be treated more highly than his brother, after all, it was he who did all the work, while the brother was enjoying himself. He should be rewarded for his faithfulness and hard work, while his brother who was so irresponsible and useless had nothing to lose. I truly understand why he felt so upset.

I am still in a puzzle, as many times, I find myself identifying with Richie Sr. Please do leave a comment and enlighten me.

Food for Thought

Adapted from "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", Josh Harris.

For the girls: The Fine Print of Dreams

I have leveled with the girls- from Anchorage to Amarillo.

I tell them that all marriages are happy.

It's the living together afterward that's tough.

I tell them that a good marriage is not a gift,

It's an achievement.

That marriage is not for kids. It takes guts and maturity.
It separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls.

I tell them that marriage is tested daily by the ability to compromise.

Its survival can depend on being smart enough to know what's worth fighting about.

Or making an issue of or even mentioning.

Marriage is giving- and more important, it's forgiving.

And it is almost always the wife who must do these things.

Then, as if that were not enough, she must be willing to forget what she forgave.

Often that is the hardest part.

Oh, I have leveled all right.

If they don't get my message, Buster,

It's because they don't want to get it.

Rose-coloured glasses are never made in bifocals

Because nobody wants to read the small print in dreams.

For the guys: A Woman's Question, Lena Lathrop

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing

Ever made by the Hand above?

A woman' heart, and a woman's life-

And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing

As a child might ask for a toy?

Demanding what others have died to win,

With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,

Manlike, you have questioned me.

Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul

Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall be hot,

Your socks and your shirt be whole;

I require your heart be true as God's stars

And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,

I require a far greater thing;

A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirt-

I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,

And a man that his Maker, God,

Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade

From this soft young cheek one day;

Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,

As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,

I may launch my all on its tide?

A loving woman finds heaven or hell

On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,

All things that a man should be;

If you give this all, I would stake my life

To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook

You can hire and little to pay;

But a woman's heart and a woman's life

Are not to be won that way.

Just a Boy

My Dad just turned 50 last month. A big day and a big year for him. That's like half the century! I didn't buy him any huge gift, just a cake. So, i thought I'd dedicate this to him-- a description of my Dad. I got so fed up with the usual "My Dad is kind, my Dad is loving, caring, etc", so I decided that I shall avoid all the clichés and go right to the point:

"My Dad is a boy."

Duh! Even the blind knows that! Okay, let me explain myself.

Just like a little boy of 4, Dad likes to watch cartoons, especially Thundercats. Every time it is shown on TV, he will definitely be glued to the TV. Then as he watches, he laughs and marvels at the characters and their abilities unconsciously. He even used Thundercats as an illustration in his sermon before, if any of you guys realised it. Besides Thundercats, there are other cartoons too, erm... like Justice League or something like that (I'm really no cartoon aficionado!) Of course, you certainly cannot expect him to miss out Spiderman 1, 2 and 3 (which he actually took us to the cinema to watch). Oh, and Narnia! We watched it in the cinema and he was actually sitting on the edge of his seat, leaning forward towards the screen (literally!)! Realising this, Mum and I turned our heads to marvel at how he was so fascinated by the movie. After that, for a week or so, he couldn't stop talking about Narnia!

Just like a young boy of 7, Dad is impatient. Whenever we eat at restaurants during peak hours, we'll find him missing from his seat. While waiting for food, he'll go out for a walk and leaves us in a puzzle as to his whereabouts, and leaves Mum grumbling about him not bothering to tell us where he went. If we happen to dine at a place where he is forced to be confined to his seat, he will start complaining to the waiters, demanding the food to arrive asap. Then when the food finally arrives, he will compare it to the illustrations put up for marketing purposes and ask why are they so much smaller in reality (especially at McDonald's!) and the whole family tries so hard to hide our faces!

Just like a teenage boy of 16, Dad is an emotional guy (and I mean VERY emotional!). He speaks whatever comes to his mind out of the blue. At times (mostly at the dinner table), he will hold this 'family meeting' where he will give emotional speeches about how he loves all of us so much that he wants only the best for us, how he tries so hard to spend more time with us despite being so busy as a pastor, and the fact that we are all growing up a lil' too soon and will be leaving him someday in the near future. Most of the time, scenarios like these leave us in a daze, wondering if we had done something wrong and this is just an introduction to the lecture that is on its way. It is only later when I ask Mum about it that she tells me that Dad is getting a lil' jealous of us being closer to Mum than to him, and this makes him really sad.

Just like a young man of 21, Dad is truly, madly, deeply, and hopelessly in love with Mum! It is as though this is the first day he sets his eyes on Mum and can't afford to take his eyes off her. It is exactly like the first day a young man falls in love with his first love and the spark of love is as bright as ever. This is the kind of love that I see Dad has for Mum, when in reality she is not his first love and they have been married for 22 years. He still takes the effort to make special days truly special for her and make everyday a Valentine's Day for Mum, although he seldom gets much in return, for Mum has never been the 'romantic' type. I don't think he expects much in return, anyway. (Sometimes I do pity him!)

Actually there are lots of other things about my Dad which I would really like to tell you guys, like the fact that he really loves playing games, loves crapping a lot with my bros (which sometimes annoys Mum and I), and loves cross-stitching (by the way, the picture on the left under "My Louvre" is a cross-stitch done by Dad for me)! Well, due to space and time constraint, I shall save these for some other occasions. But for now, here are some treats: a glimpse of some of Dad's favourites...... toy cars and toy bikes collection!

"I Kissed Dating Goodbye"

Don't worry, guys! It is not what I think you think it is. No, I'm not swearing into lifelong singleness. I still look forward to having a family of my own and raising my own beautiful kids. This is the title of a book I'm currently reading-- "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. How I wish I had picked it up earlier!

The issues discussed in the book are so true and so real, yet at the same time, the book is such an eye-opener (at least it is, for me). As you have probably figured out from the title, it is about relationships, but not just romantic relationships. Many has categorised it (if not from the first look of the title) that this book is anti-dating. Well, to a certain extent maybe, but it is not exactly so. It does not condemn dating in and of itself, it just criticises what the people of today have made it to be. Instead, it suggests a better alternative to the worldly concept of dating.

"The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment" This is what the 2nd chapter of the book says. How true it is! Commitment is such a lacking factor in today's relationships, and yet many people just do not realise this, and they launch into relationships without intending for the relationship to last. Isn't this what we read in the newspapers everyday? of celebrities stepping in and out of the 'game of love'. What an apt term: 'The Game of Love'.

Besides that, I was also brought to realise certain boundaries. I used to think that 'Christian dating' is merely about dating Christian guys, abstaining from sex before marriage, and getting parents' consent. It is only now that I realise it is not as simple as this. It is not a boundary per se. Instead, it is something like a journey on a highway (as Harris puts it): You think that you can go as far till you see a sign that says "Turn Back!", not realising that actually the sign does not exist, and when you finally realise it, you've gone way too far, and must go even further before you can finally turn back.

Then I reflected and saw the times when I've played near the boundaries and almost got electrocuted. I thought of the times I nearly challenged the boundaries, despite being pricked by my own conscience. For this, I'm really grateful to the Lord for saving me in time before I do things that I will further regret.

As I have come to realise, the best way is to stay out of the highway, instead of trying your luck on it, hoping you'll turn back in time before you have gone too far. Unaware to many (myself included), the beginning of this highway is the nurturing of infatuation. I must admit, I used to think that these 'little fancies' are innocent fantasies of the young mind. After all, what harm is there if it remains in the mind? No harm, no foul, so it's okay. But I was wrong. Others may not look into your heart, but it does matter to the God who looks deep into my heart. Purity in relationships does not mean only physical purity, but also that of the mind.

In the book, Harris also highlights the mobility that comes with singleness. Being single allows one to freely serve the Lord, and in the process, learns a lot of precious lessons that will come in handy someday. These are lessons that will prepare you for the relationship God has in store for you. So, singleness is not a 'curse' as many seem to think it is. Instead, it is a wonderful time of growth and adventure.

Therefore, I am determined not to get myself involved in relationships before I am ready to make a lifelong commitment at a time according to God's plan for my life. Meantime, I am certainly indulged in the celebration of singleness, and all the mobility and freedom that comes with it.

Some interesting quotes from the book:

1. As Christians, we know certain things such as "Jesus loves me" and Christ died for sinners." We've heard these statements countless times, but the dust of familiarity can dim the glory of these simple truths. We have to brush them off and remind ourselves of their life-transforming power.
2. One of the most beautiful analogies God uses to define His relationship with us is that of a marriage. To grasp this is both inspirational and sobering. People should be able to look at our marriages and say, "So that's what the church is like? That's what it means to have a relationship with Jesus?"
3. The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.

This one's for the gals!

I heard this song on the radio (Lite FM, my favourite!) the other day. I really like it. It's not new, I've heard it a thousand times. Still I love it all the same.

Title: This One's For The Girls

Artiste: Martina McBride

This is for all you girls about 13

High school can be so rough, can be so mean

Hold on to, on to your innocence

Stand your ground when everybody's givin' in

This one's for the girls

This is for all you girls about 25

In little apartments, just tryin' to get by

Livin' on, on dreams and spaghettios

Wonderin' where your life is gonna go

Chorus:

This one's for the girls

Who've ever had a broken heart

Who've wished upon a shooting star

You're beautiful the way you are

This one's for the girls

Who love without holdin' back

Who dream with everything they have

All around the world

This One's for the girls

This one's for all you girls about 42

Tossin' pennies into the fountain of youth

Every laugh, laugh line on your face

Made you who you are today

Yeah, we're all the same inside (same inside)

From 1 to 99

Over the centuries, we have seen girls constantly being treated as the weaker gender, as the inferior in society. In Indian society, girls are not worth having, because when they get married, the family will have to pay loads of money in dowry to the bridegroom, so is the case in Western society. In Chinese society, dowry is paid by the guy's family, but guess what? Girls are still not worth having. How IRONICAL!! Why? Because they can't carry on the family name. It is as though you raise a girl to be given away when they get married. Either way, having a girl is not worth it, financially and emotionally and whatever-ly.

As I was reading the papers the other day, China is currently facing a shortage of girls, especially in rural areas, because of the one-child policy and the *ahem!* less-than-intelligent mindset that girls are inferior. So parents, think twice! Where would all of us be if not for the women in our midst? Statistics have shown that there are more female uni graduates than male. High positions in the corporate world are gradually taken over by women. (How about that, guys?)

Although the view of society regarding gender equality has gradually been reshaped (or should I say "been corrected") over the years, and girls are given more importance, it is most important that we girls do not view ourselves as being creatures incapable of standing on our own two feet and pursuing our own goals in life. I never believe that women cannot survive without men, and that the only purpose in life for a woman is to be "happily married". On the other hand, I do not think that men and women can be equal in every way, for I believe that since God has created us to be different, He has designated roles for us to play, whether in society or in a family.

For instance, I still believe that a man, as the husband, should always be the head of a family, just as Christ is the head of a church. It is next to impossible, if not actually impossible, for two persons to share equal power within a setting. If a disagreement arises, whose opinion is to be taken? However, that does not mean that the wives are to treated like dirt under your feet. As the role of a wife is to support and to obey her husband, God has also given the husband a responsibility to love and to protect his wife. (Ephesians 5: 22-33)

This principal of gender equality has recently been brought to the extreme when feminists argue that "History" should be changed to "Herstory" because the use of the word "his" contributes to gender bias, and that the pronoun "she" should also be used for God. I don't think such views are very practical or useful. It sounds to me as though these people are just trying to kick up a fuss for no particular reason.

Instead, guys and gals should learn to respect each other; respect each other's differences, respect each other's abilities, and respect each other's God-given roles and destiny. As for you girls, I do not believe that our lives revolve around men, that we need them in life and we must get married. To a certain extent, maybe. I believe that pleasing God should occupy the center stage of our lives. We should always seek to carry out His will and His plan for our lives, may it be to raise up a godly family, or to pursue a career that becomes a platform for us to serve Him.

Driving out the True Colours

Have you ever met a person who is usually gentle, seemingly polite and nice turning ugly the moment they get behind the wheel? (what wheel? obviously not the wheel of fortune!) Well, I've heard of stories, of people started cursing and swearing the moment they get their DL, (demonic license... oops! I meant driver's license). It is as though when they get their driver's license, it gives them a pass to show their true colours. I didn't believe such nonsense. After all, there are courteous and patient drivers on the road who are not affected by the spell. (Err... or are there?)

On second thought, maybe perhaps there are people who are forced to turn ugly because of the inconsideration of other road users, BUT i vow that I will never ever allow myself to be one of them. I started off well, I must say: drove really slow, really careful, let others go first even though I have first priority etc... Then, the longer I hold on to my DL, the uglier I became. Unconsciously or subconsciously, I started scolding the other road users for not allowing me to go first, for not being considerate, for cutting my queue. "What the heck...?!" "You own the road is it!?" Thank goodness the four-letter word is not out... yet. (what were you thinking? I meant "D-U-M-B"!) It is as though they can ever hear a single word I say, and if they do, as though they ever mind them.

Guess it is inevitable to turn ugly, huh? Well, at least I'm still holding a PDL (pre-demonic license) and not the CDL (confirmed demonic license). Anyway, so long as they don't bang into my car, I guess it is really none of my business. After all, there is nothing I can do to make them become more considerate drivers, is there? And with all the corruption involved in passing incompetent drivers (people who can hardly start the engine) and issuing them a license to kill, I guess this scenario is here to stay.

Being childlike

I'm back at home now, BLOGGING!, at 12.30pm++. Isn't that just amazing?! But I do have to return to college later this evening for the BBQ Nite (of which I am not at all thrilled). Well, if I can only come back home this early every single day... Life will be a paradise! (O dear, the sloth in me is surfacing!). Anyway, I could have gotten back home earlier (like 12pm), but some *ugh!* prevented me from doing so.... sigh... let's not dwell on this subject. After all, this is not the main subject of my post today. (Well, I still wish to be able to reach home early everyday. And if my mum can be at home to welcome me back, I will declare that "LIFE IS SO SWEET!". It is kinda pathetic to came back home to an empty house sometimes, you know. Of course, on the other hand, I do cherish the solitude)

Anyway, as I was walking back home from the LRT station, I saw kids from the kindergarten behind my house. They had just finished their classes too. Then I saw this little girl and her grandmother (I think it's granny 'coz she looks old) walking in my direction. I really like kids, especially those who don't cause a fuss. So, I thought maybe I could just give her a friendly smile. After all, she must be living somewhere nearby and hence, is also considered to be my neighbour. As they were approaching, all these thoughts went through my mind: what is the extent of my smile (like, a bright smile exposing my teeth, a regularly normal smile or just a curve of the lips), should I look them in the eye, will I look stupid etc... But before I knew it, they were right in front of me. I just smiled, not knowing how I did it, but knowing that I just did it. Then the most amazing thing happened-- the little girl just flashed me her brightest, most natural and most brilliant smile while waving her hand to me! "Shame on you, gal!"

It came like a smack on my cheek. *smack!* We grown-ups often think we know best, we know more and we make the best decision "for the good of all" (isn't this just what our parents say?). Well, it is true we know more. In fact, we know too much. Even when it comes to simple things like everyday greetings, we must weigh the pros and cons of it, to make the "best decision". Hence, even at instances like these, we stop to think what to do and how to do it. "Should I smile to a passer-by? But I don't know him. What if he thinks I am crazy?" After all, isn't this just what we think of the strangers who smiled at us voluntarily? Then, we check ourselves to see whether or not we forgot to zip up, or we wore our T-shirts inside out. After realising all is fine, we come to the conclusion that it is either the other guy has sinister intentions, or he is plain crazy, just out of his mind.

It is no wonder why God says that the Kingdom of God belongs to these little ones. If we'd been given an offer to take a glimpse of the heavenly Kingdom or asked to inherit the Kingdom, we'll probably say that the image of heaven has been digitally altered and that God has other sinister plans. After all, there can't be free lunches offered so freely. Indeed, we know too much, but that does not necessarily means that we make the best decision.

If every living person has the mind of that little girl, the world will indeed be a nice place to dwell in. Wars will be resolved, everybody will be economically well off, the talks on free-trade will not be dragged on and on because each party is considering his own advantage. And above all, we will see everyone smiling to everyone one the street, despite not knowing the other person's name, despite the fact that they have never met, despite the possibility that flashing a smile to a stranger may look ridiculously stupid and despite the difference of skin colour. It will indeed be a haven on earth! It is time we adults learn a precious lesson from these little ones.

in LOVE!

I'm in LOVE! He's sensible, proper, kind, considerate, courteous, generous, loving, caring, selfless, cool AND he is right 99.99% of the time! (and the list goes on and on and on...) He is rich too, VERY RICH (owns a farm! how about that?). Seems to be THE perfect guy! I'm so madly, deeply and hopelessly in love...

Wanna know more about him? Well... he is 37 or 38 years old (kinda old, I know, but I'll be of that age someday...), lives in Highbury, England, specifically in Donwell Abbey (he owns that place, you know. a family inheritance), and has a brother who is married and is residing in London. Really sounds like my Prince Charming, though not many people actually find him charming. His character only appeals to people like me. Unfortunately, he is married... to Emma Woodhouse.

Well, if you haven't realised by now, the guy I am talking about is Mr. George Knightley of Jane Austen's Emma. You must think that I must be really lonely to be fantasising about a fictional character. Maybe I am, but as Ms. Fernandez said, it is good to feel strongly for a character or an event in the text, as it draws us into the text. I indeed have strong feelings for him... very strong! (Is this going a little overboard?)

Anyway, let's get back to reality (drag me back from Dreamland!). Although the character of Mr. George Knightley may be fictional, there are characteristics in his character that are indeed admirable and there are qualities in him that I wish to find in my future partner (whoever he may be). For instance, his clear conscience. He always sees faults that are not apparent to others and (you must admit!) he is correct almost 100% of the time. How can he do that? I guess it is by taking one step back when things get chaotic and judge things from an objective point-of-view, regardless of who or what is the subject matter. I really marvel at how he has the courage and tactfulness in confronting the high-and-mighty Emma (the one woman he loves deeply) with all her mistakes which are often overlooked by others. A sensible man indeed!

Of course, one of his qualities which appeals to me is his generosity and genuine concern for the less fortunate. I salute him for willingly giving up a large share of his yields to the big-mouth Miss Bates and her family, his willingness in providing Jane with a carriage to ferry her around. Although belonging to a higher stratum of society, he has never lost touch with the common people and treated them with just as much love. Oh, of course, my favourite part of the novel-- his reproach of the loud-mouthed, busy body and annoying Mrs. Elton for her self-assuming role as hostess. (way to go George!) Someone really gotta stop the annoyance and disgust she is causing to everyone. Thank you, Mr. Knightley, for saving a whole lotta people! What a fine gentleman he is...

The one most outstanding and admirable quality of his is his selflessness. I stand in awe of his willingness to give up his ego and his financial status in society for the sake of the only woman he ever loves. If a guy were to do that for me, I am so gonna fall for him! Without a doubt, I'd certainly fall head over heels. That is SO self sacrificial! It goes a long way in saying how much he really loves Emma. It is not just a crush he as for Emma, it is true love! Loving without making any sacrifices is not love at all. Hence, you can say that loving someone is not easy. It involves making sacrifices for the other person, and these sacrifices may include things that you are not yet ready to give up. It takes a whole lotta courage to really love someone. But I believe true love conquers all.

George Knightley, though a fictional character, offers us all a very precious lesson on LOVE, a familiar, yet foreign word to all of us. If he exists in real life, I'm so gonna get hold of him. Such a perfect and seemingly flawless man. Of course, if he is a Christian (not just any Christian, but a lover of God!), he'd really be perfect! I just hope that I'll find my Mr. Knightley someday. Well, to all you guys and gals out there who are in love (not with a fictional character like me!): When you decide to love someone (romantically or not), don't just fall in love or have a crush for someone. When you fall in love, make sure you are madly, deeply, and hopelessly in love! Love with all that you are and love with all that you have.

Well, as you may have realised, it's time for me to get into bed! To get into Dreamland...